Amnesia Read online

  He looked over to the right side of his desk and gazed at the only thing that really mattered to him; the beautiful face of his only daughter smiling back at him. It wasn’t the typical school portrait that was in the hand carved wood frame, but was actually a candid photograph that he had taken of her unawares during their vacation last year.

  They had gone to Disneyland that year, despite his reluctance to go, because she said she wanted to get a picture taken with Mickey Mouse just like all of her friends had. She had been watching the professional photographer so she could get the perfect pose. Gregg had called her name, standing off to her left, the side opposite Mickey. The look in the picture was so radiant that he had framed it so he would always remember how happy she had been. A face he wondered if he would ever see again.

  This time he couldn’t stop the tears. He buried his head in his hands and wept.

  * * *

  Lissa dug through her purse to find the cash to pay the taxi driver. She expected the ride from her apartment would be rather expensive, but had never expected it to be quite this much. Unfortunately the driver demanded cash and wouldn’t listen as she had tried to talk him into a check, explaining what had happened, and that she was running late. He just sat there stoically holding out his hand, with dirt under his fingernails she noted, demanding dollar bills. Finally she found a last dollar, hidden in the bottom of her bag, and thrust the money into his oversized paw. He sped off without a single word, no doubt thinking about how ditzy she was.

  She took a deep breath and headed up the four flights of stairs toward her practice in the building adjacent to Saint Alphonsus hospital. Although there were two elevators the stairs were the only exercise she got these days. With the echo of her footsteps in the stairwell still ringing in her ears, she hurriedly walked past the packed outer waiting room, the one reserved for well children, and past the receptionist.

  “Morning Carla,” she intoned, as she rushed past the desk toward her inner office. She felt as much as heard the giggle of the children behind her, knowing that she looked the mess she felt.

  She threw her things onto the already cluttered desk and again took a calming breath. Feeling somewhat better, she opened the door and slipped past the inner waiting room, noting it too was full of sick children and their parents, and then stepped into the restroom. She looked in the mirror and shook her head, wondering how she could ever make it through the day. It must be true what they say about Mondays, she thought.

  Washing her face, and combing back through her long light brown hair, she recreated her professional look. She pulled her hair back up on top, pinning it there, leaving a few wisps to drape across her cheeks. She put on a touch of eye shadow and lipstick, just enough to add depth to her face, and adjusted her smock over her clothing. Again she looked into the mirror and decided she may as will get on with it, everyone was running behind, and there was a lot to do this day.

  “How did rounds go at the hospital?” The cheery medical assistant asked, as Doctor Brandon reappeared in the hall.

  “I’ll have to do later rounds today,” she answered, as curtly as possible, trying to stave off any further questions. She immediately regretted it, as she saw the look on her co-workers face. She reached out her left hand and put it on the other’s arm, trying to apologize. “Sorry, it’s been a bad day.”

  She was rewarded by the immediate return of the friendly smile that had greeted her. “Hey, it’s Monday, I can relate.”

  Not with this, she thought, but let it drop. “What do we have going today?”

  “First we have Benny Peterson. He’s in for his two-year immunizations. Then we have Krystal Fern, who has been running at one-oh-one all weekend. Parents think it is just the flu, but Children’s Tylenol hasn’t touched it. Then you have several walk-ins, all with some degree of sniffles and coughs. Who’d have thought with it being so hot outside? Oh, and don’t forget that you have Tracey Randall at three. She is down at MSTI, and is waiting for the results of the frozen cultures. Those are on your desk. Doesn’t look too good.”

  Doctor Brandon felt her stomach tighten. After all that Tracey had been through, she didn’t need more bad news. Rhabdomyosarcoma is rough enough, but at six years old it was heart wrenching. At any age cancer is always nasty. This particular form, although the most common soft tissue tumor found in children, was highly malignant and would spread quickly throughout her system. Eventually too much of the malignancy would invade the tiny form, which would cause the body to shut itself down permanently. They had already taken the first step of resection, or removal, of the primary tumor, but if the surrounding tissue was affected, it called for a rigorous treatment plan that was excruciatingly long and painful for both the child and the parents.

  If the news back from the lab was discouraging, that meant more surgery, chemotherapy, and radiotherapy, all of which would exact a huge price, with little guarantee of success. They may even have to take the rest of her uterus, precluding any chance of bearing her own children when grown. If she grows up. Lissa shook her head again. How do you tell that to parents? It looked as if the day was going to be even longer than she thought.

  Throughout the long day Lissa found herself glancing around ensuring that everything was where it was supposed to be. She thought that being so busy would have forced all thoughts of the morning aside; after all, it was only her car that got beaten up, not her. And the only thing she could find missing was her hospital badge, and that was easily replaced. Still she felt watched everywhere she went, and edgy wondering if something was going to jump out at her from any number of hiding places. She kept reminding herself that there was no one there, and tried to convince herself that it was no worse than walking through one of those haunted houses, only the lights were on now. But she couldn’t quite convince herself that it was all just make believe.

  Finally 2:30 rolled around and it was time to go downtown. She cleared up her office, straightened out the desk, and strode up to the receptionist, noting that both waiting rooms were finally clear.

  “Wow! We made it through. I didn’t think that was going to be possible. Listen, Carla, I have to get over to MSTI. The thing is, my car is, um, in the shop right now, and I don’t have any spare cash for the taxi, would you mind….”

  “Here’s the keys, keep it as long as you need,” the receptionist interrupted, “it’s all over the news right now, and Chuck said that I should lend it to you.”

  Noting the surprise turned horror-stricken look on her face, Carla chuckled and added, “Not your name, just that ‘someone’s’ car got thrashed. I recognized it from when we used to car pool just before the twins were born.” She made a scoffing sound. “Probably time to get a new one anyway. I think that car was as old as you are.”

  Gratefully, Lissa sidestepped that issue, and thanked her benefactor. At least that was one hurdle she had cleared. She vowed she wouldn’t keep the car for more than a few days, and that anytime anyone needed a ride again, she would be there. It was so good to know that there were good, caring people that surrounded her, despite whatever one lone bad guy could do.

  She stepped through the automatic glass entrance to the building and got blasted in the face with the scorching heat of the day, souring her mood even further. She headed out to the parking lot, barely avoiding getting side-swiped by a patient no doubt running behind for their appointment. She looked grimly over at the construction site that promised so much wonderful parking, and shook her head in disgust. It seemed that as soon as the hospital got some money it was building something new, and always at the expense of the people who had to maneuver around the place. Hopefully it would be done soon, but then what was next?

  She quickly found the car, and realized that she had loaned her the old Lumina. That was good, Lissa thought, Carla would need the minivan for the kids. She got in and started the beast, praying that the A/C would cool it down quickly.

  She pulled out onto the main thoroughfare and caught the interstate leading to do
wntown Boise. Then a quick left and she pulled into the Children’s Special Services Center/Mountain States Tumor Institute at St. Luke’s. Although it was a pain to travel down here to meet her patients, it was much better for this type of thing than anywhere else in Idaho. She pulled into the parking slots reserved for doctors, and headed into the building to meet with her charge, dreading every step.

  “Dr. Brandon?” she heard, before she got to the front door. She turned to greet the approaching Dr. Cliffe. After a quick hello, he hurried to open the door for her.

  “You are such a gentleman!” she exclaimed, surprised by the action.

  “Not at all,” he responded, “simply training. My Judy would have poked one of my eyes out had I neglected to open the door for her. I remember once that I was in such a hurry to get the groceries in the house one day that I clean forgot to open the car door for her. It wasn’t until at least twenty minutes later that I realized she was nowhere to be seen, so I checked, and sure enough she was still in the car waiting for me to open her door. I didn’t think I’d survive that one.”

  By the time he had finished the story they were both laughing and she realized how good it felt. She decided that Judy was either quite remarkable or quite lucky to have been married to this kind gentleman. She told him as much.

  “Not the latter, I assure you,” he responded wistfully. “No, I was the lucky one. We only had thirty-two years together, and I look forward to at least a couple of eternities coming up.” He looked over at her and added, “And don’t worry too much about getting married. Wait as long as it takes to get the right guy. I was thirty-six when a young gal came scampering up my walk, trying to get me to come help paint someone’s barn; it was worth every moment of those thirty-six years. And whatever you do, never forget what it was you waited for, or else you will miss what it could really be.”

  He smiled gently at her, and she felt herself grow warm from his tender advice gleaned from the experience of years. She remembered the hurt and sorrow she had felt a few nights ago, and felt ashamed for having doubted that the Lord would provide someone for her, and that they could then be together forever. What were a few more years compared to that? She looked down at the floor, trying to word a thank-you, not only to her friend, but also to her Heavenly Father, who was no doubt looking out for her.

  “Oh, and one more thing,” Dr. Cliffe concluded, “That coma patient of yours is showing some signs of improvement. I was doing rounds this morning and found that he had moved his head and was crying. You should go check on him when you get a minute.”

  He turned and left before she even had a chance to thank him. She just stared after him until he turned and caught the elevator up. Turning, she was so preoccupied that she ran right into someone else, dropping the paperwork in her arms. She stooped, her body clenching from an angry stream of vitriol pouring down from a familiar voice above her. Crouching to retrieve the charts, she started to mumble an apology when she noticed the expensive leather shoes the lab results had come to rest upon. Looking up she verified that the shoes belonged to the glowering face of Doctor Darrion Stanton.

  CHAPTER 4

  Darrion’s tanned face, complete with dark brown eyes, strong jawline leading to a slightly jutting chin, and small nose with a hint of upturn at its peak, slid instantly to a look of concern and chagrin as he knelt to help Lissa pick up her scattered papers. “Oh, Lissa, I didn’t realize it was you,” he offered, trying to mollify her embarrassment.

  Together they rose, her eyes narrowing as she realized that he felt no empathy. She stood facing him, her 5’6” nowhere near his 6’2” height, but her indignation filled the void. She was incredulous at how he could be so condescending one moment and contrite the next. She felt her checks flame with anger as she answered his tone. “Sorry, Darrion, I will be more careful next time.”

  “Hey, wait a minute,” he whined, “where are you going so quick? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you all week. I even called your mother to find out if everything was okay.”

  She just stared in disbelief at his impeccable suit, now covered in a pressed physician’s white smock, and perfectly coiffed hair. “I’m fine, Doctor Stanton. I’ve been covering the ER all week. And don’t call my mother again. I’m a big girl now and can even dress myself without my mommy,” she spit back acidly.

  “Whoa, sorry, I was just worried,” he apologized. “I was just sick with concern. Then when I heard about your car, I knew that I should be. Obviously you need someone to watch out for you; protect you from the scum out there.”

  Lissa stopped and spun around to him, certain she had misunderstood his implication. “What, exactly, are you saying?”

  He contorted his perfect features into the epitome of worry. “I said I was worried about you, and I want to make sure you are safe. I think you should reconsider my proposal.”

  He reached out and put his hand on her shoulder, which she tried unsuccessfully to shrug off. She was palpably jarred to be forced to deal with such sophomoric antics mere seconds after the heart-warming chat with Dr. Cliffe. In vain she struggled to bring back the calm influence the wizened old man had inspired, but felt instead the empty dread she normally felt when around Darrion.

  “As I’ve told you before, I’m not ready to marry you or anyone else right now. But right at this moment I have a patient waiting, and I need to go.”

  Unwilling to let it end there the man’s strong hand seized her shoulder painfully, preventing her from leaving. She knew that he was in good physical condition and the pain he was causing stood testament to that. She couldn’t help wondering if his strength would be perilous or protective. She decided she didn’t really want to know.

  “That’s fine, hon, we don’t have to rush it. Why don’t you just move into the guesthouse on the grounds for a while, just so we know you’re safe? No one could get through the gates and alarm system Dad put in. We would know that none of these creeps could get to you. I’ll talk to your landlord if you like; make sure there are no problems with contracts or anything.”

  The glint in his eye was warning enough that the further she was from his grounds the safer she would be. She tried again to turn away, but he pulled her closer instead.

  “Come on Lissa, I’m just worried about you being all alone in that little apartment, with who knows what vermin crawling around outside. You know I love you and would do anything in my power to keep you safe. Let’s just give it a try for a little while. I have no doubt you will adore the place. I think you will find that I can keep you better than anyone else in the country.”

  He bent his perfect face down to her freckled nose and kissed the tip of it, pulled back, and tried to go for the lips. This time, however, fresh adrenaline filled Lissa’s arms, and she shoved him backward, just far enough to break the moment. She felt herself breathing heavily from the rush of adrenaline to her system, and knew she had to escape before he began to think she was under a different sort of rush.

  “No Darrion,” she responded, “I won’t move in with you, now or ever. And don’t you ever touch me again or I’ll have you in front of the Medical Review Board for harassment. Don’t call, don’t talk with my mother, just leave me alone. I will do just fine without you!”

  She braced herself for the verbal onslaught she knew was coming, but instead heard him chuckle.

  “Poor little girl,” he commented. “Soon enough you’ll realize just how much you need me. Okay I’ll back off for now, but the offer is always open. You know you are always welcome in my home. Just give me a call when you finally come to your senses. I just hope that it is before something even worse happens.”

  He spun and walked toward the main entry, waited as the glass doors slid open, and was gone. She gaped after him wondering if somehow she had just been threatened. She shook her head in disbelief, as well as relief, and turned back toward the office that held her small patient. “After a scene with Darrion Stanton” she thought, “this might not be as hard as I’d thought.”
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  * * *

  It was a tearful meeting with little Tracey Randall and her lost and confused parents. The only child of an out-of-work construction worker father and a mother who had just rejoined the ranks of the working poor, Tracey had turned six only a couple of weeks earlier. She looked half that. Yet her face looked like she was turning ninety.

  Doctor Brandon confirmed their worst fears, explaining that the tumor was malignant and that she would need further treatment. It was a tender moment when Brett Randall picked up his small daughter with rough, calloused hands and held her tightly, tears freely rolling down his weather-beaten cheeks and barely suppressed sobs issuing from his constricted barrel chest.

  Lissa felt awkward for intruding in such an intimate encounter and a lump formed in her throat for the honor of witnessing such a rare loving exchange between father and daughter. She recalled her own father and wondered if he would have held her that way if such news were pronounced upon her. She knew it was unabashed selfishness, but she vowed her children would have a father like Brett, brash on the outside perhaps, but holding a deep and abiding love for his family. Something akin to what she knew her Heavenly Father felt for all of them.

  For well over an hour the four of them discussed surgery, radiation, and drugs, the threefold treatment plan prescribed for cancer patients. A raw, visceral anguish dried their tears as Doctor Brandon took out a teddy bear to show Tracey what they would do, where the tumor was located, and what would happen next to rid her small body of the ravaging enemy. They outlined a basic treatment plan and a referral for a pediatric oncologist was given. Finally they bid farewell, a bud of hope in their hearts, and a deeper connection to each other.